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Monsieur le Santa,

I must register my sincere complaint about the horse Bruno who says the rude things about me.  It is most unfair.  Please let me tell you about all my positive qualities and I am sure you will understand my point of view completely and will want to support my cause by sending me compliments and presents and other useful items such as money.

Santa, first my story:  did you know that I almost died as a baby?  No?  I did not think so.  The people, they do not pay attention to the sad histoire of the Jean-Claude.  Yes, my mother, she dropped me on the wrong side of the fence and I was there, all arms and legs and yet no power to rejoin her.  Happily I was saved.  But not for long!  Because then the people, they said, “we have too many llamas.  You, Jean-Claude, you shall go to the market.”  Mais non.  This could not be and so when the lady she showed up with her big razors to cut off the hair of my maman for the spring, she saw me and exclaimed, “mon Dieu, why that must be the most handsome llama I have ever seen in all my days.”  Or something like this.  And so I went home with her because, truly, I cannot resist the compliments.

So you see Santa, I am handsome and worth saving. So please may you read my letter and help out with my polite requests?  First, you must know I am a man of culture.  I have been denied repeatedly the requests to come into the house to watch the Poirot mysteries. He is such a fine detective and I feel sure he and I are related in some way.  However, I would so very much enjoy la musique.  May I please ask that a radio be installed in the barn so that I may teach the sheep about Chopin and all the musique classique?  Perhaps we could also tune into Radio France so that I may instruct them in the most beautiful language in the world.

Voilà, also, I must register my own complaint about this new mongrel named Stephanie.  Pah, she chews everything!  The feed scoops, they are all full of teeth marks and little bits of feed fall through the handles all the time.  This causes the humans to say unpleasant words which offend my delicate ears.  The brightly colored 3-quart scoops would be so charming: Alors, this one also looks so very interesting, and I believe would make the humans’ lives so easy with the measurements already noted:

I am not so déclassé as to ask for food.  We llamas are very proud. It is true, our food is terribly expensive and we eat a lot of it. But perhaps a discreet donation would be just the thing, with a tiny billet doux attached to it indicating that it was at my request that the donation be made – well, I shall make sure that it finds its way to the proper disbursement representative bien sûr, so that checks may be written and hay shall be delivered, voilà, just like that!  One way to do this is to sponsor my handsome self: And in so doing, you shall also receive a photograph of me and my story – it will be so special.

Monsieur, it has been my great pleasure to write to you and I extend my deepest regards to your Madame and all of your reindeer.