Ok now Santa,
I’ve got lots to say but hang on, I just forgot what it was, oh darnit, wait a minute I need to go check out that bug, nope, gone, now where was I? Uh oh, Nicole has my bone, got to go. OK back. Are you still there? Santa? OK, all I know about this whole Christmas thing is that I’m supposed to tell you about how I’ve been naughty and nice. And then you decide if you’re going to put coal in my stocking or bring me a bicycle? Something like that? So here goes….
Santa, I try to be a good girl. They say I look like an angel when I’m sleeping. I’m very pretty, and I can run REALLY really fast. I’m also loving and nice. I’m never mean to anyone. I’m a very very nice dog. But I’m also a very very naughty dog.
- I like to jump on people. I am a very enthusiastic greeter.
- I howl if I’m left alone too long (but maybe we should put that in the positive side because it’s a beautiful sound).
- I jump really high – I’m like an Olympic athlete! I jump over fences and gates and go running around the farm at top speed.
- I’m a bit fussy about my food.
- But I like stealing the cat’s food.
- I cause sheep stampedes. I’m really not chasing them, honest I’m not. They’re just too sensitive when I’m doing my rounds.
- I chew things. A lot of things. Farmer Anne said I had to make a clean breast of it so that I could maybe get on your list for presents this year, so this is my list of Things Chewed in 2021:
- 2 TV remote controls
- 1 sneaker
- 2 pairs of sandals
- 2 boots (right boot on each pair)
- 2 hairbrushes
- 3 air conditioners
- 1 pill bottle (don’t worry, I wasn’t interested in the pills, just the bottle)
- 2 books (“The Art of Raising a Puppy” and a very nice Wahrig German-English dictionary)
- A brand new dog bed (hey, it was badly made, flimsy!)
- 2 chickens (I’m really really sorry – they looked so much like squeaky toys 🙁 I’m so sorry, I really am)
- An antique clock
- A lot of paperwork
- Several hand-carved figurines from Haiti
- A very nice Meerschaum pipe that belonged to Farmer Anne’s father
- A sunsail
- A few feed bowls
- There is probably more. I am a very busy dog so I can’t quite keep track of it all.
Santa, I’m a puppy. Are there special dispensations from the North Pole for puppies? Gosh I hope so. Because I’m really cute and I’m going to grow up to be the Best Dog Ever! I’m really hoping you can help me with some of my chewing needs. Here are some places to get good bones (Farmer Anne said they look “revolting” but don’t listen to her):
- 6″ Marrow bones from Chewy
- Foreshank bones from Chewy
- Hubba hubba HUGE bones from Amazon
- Even bigger bone from Chewy
Oh, the possibilities are endless (as is my need to chew).
Now, we need to discuss beds. I have no bed of my own. It’s really a disgrace! Jethro has a smaller version of this one and he loves it. I will need a jumbo size bed and I like the “iron grey” color but the “coffee” would match my eyes so that would be ok too.
Finally, I could use some more training treats. I know how to “sit” and “lie down” and “roll over” and sometimes “come” but I’m a little hazy on the “come” and I completely do not understand “stay”. You can choose the flavor of the treats if you want. I like treats.
And – I need a sponsor! I do I do I do! Maybe someone will come and play with me and let me out to run wild on the farm (or take me for walks, I suppose…).
Oh this has been fun, got to run though!