Hey Mr. Santa Claus of the North Pole,
So let me just tell you a thing or two, shall I? Mr. Santa I have been in charge here for over a year now and I am seeing the need for improvements, renovations, upscaling this bunny room. Heya Boys, Ruth is in town now! More on that later.
First my news: I finally found a man whom I have deemed to be worthy of me. I went on a “Bunny match” day (speed dating for rabbits) at Friends of Rabbits last weekend. Well, they certainly had their share of bachelor bunnies, but I had to go through at least 10 before I found one to my liking. These rabbits just let me sit on their heads. Come on, fellas! You have to be spicy with a spicy girl like me. So Ernie, a street rabbit himself, said to me, “Miss Ruth, you ain’t gonna sit on THIS rabbit’s head” and he proceeded to jump straight up into the air. I chortled with delight. My kind of man. So here we are, on our bunnymoon.
Santa, we’re going to need a brand new litterbox for our new house together. I’m thinking something with high sides like this: https://www.chewy.com/frisco-high-sided-cat-litter-box/dp/168284 for our privacy, when we want to snuggle. Man, I need to chew and chew and chew all day, and those little tiny boutique chew sticks- nah, give this big mama something to really sink her teeth into! https://tinyurl.com/hideout-for-ruth
Let me get to this renovations business. Santa, a few years ago they “redid” the bunny room. Ok, it’s a pretty blue. They cleaned and scrubbed and also put down this nice heavy linoleum floor… which we rabbits promptly started to work on (that’s rabbit talk for “chew, pillage, destroy!”) I’m thinking we really need ceramic tile put down, Rabbits don’t do ceramic. I’m saying, the serious stuff, yessir. You know someone who could help us out with that? Now, it’s gotta go nicely with the blue color of the walls; we rabbits are very sensitive to color clashes. Something along these lines would be awfully nice: https://tinyurl.com/ceramic-tile-for-ruth But now, see, this is going to be a big project. We probably need about 14 boxes of these suckers, plus grout, so – we need us a tile consultant. Yeah, that’s it, someone to consult about our flooring needs. And could you add curtains, too? Sheesh, we have no curtains, no privacy.
All right, enough about that. Santa, I’ll be going for my annual vet checkup soon. I’m healthy and all that, but I hear talk around this farm “oh my gosh, the vet bills, the vet bills, what are we going to do” and so if you could have someone make a donation in my name I would surely appreciate it – they can sponsor me too, although I don’t promise not to bite them if they come to visit me. https://www.stargazingfarm.org/animals/sponsor-an-animal/
Thanks for taking the time to read my letter and hello to the Missus!
Ruth the Rabbit